We Would Have Been Judas

We Would Have Been Judas.

186

Perhaps I had the idea wrong all along.

Birds fly in the same flocks.

Fish swim in the same schools.

Yet, people close their blinds on their neighbors.

Perhaps the idea wasn’t to lend a hand

after the hurricane to rake up the leaves and torn shutters.

Perhaps the idea wasn’t to lend a hand

to the man crossing the street frail with his walker and slow steps.

Perhaps the idea wasn’t to lend a hand

in elementary school fairs and community car washes,

attempting to raise enough money for books.

Instead, we cut each other off on the highway-

flip the bird and throw out our cigarettes.

Instead, we slam the door shut on the Girl Scout on the street-

too busy glued to the television to buy her cookies.

Instead, we throw stones at people who love their same gender-

for it’s not love if God says it is a sin.

Instead, we bomb buildings over religious and cultural differences-

for it’s not terrorism if God blesses America.

Why should we “love thy neighbor” when we don’t have to?

(Inspired by "I Would Have Been Judas" PostSecret.) 

Rebellion of Societal Roles: A Brief Glimpse into Two Poems and Short Stories

“Living in Sin”/ “Shiloh” Tension

Adrienne Rich’s beautifully crafted poem, “Living in Sin,” involves the disillusionment of a woman who finds the same hardships of life even though she is in love. It seems as if the voice in “Living in Sin” poem is experiencing an awakening similar to what I had at the ripe young age of 18. Her visions of living with her love were fabricated based off of Dinsey-esque ideals; she thought everything would take care of itself. However, to her surprise, the woman found herself even more burdened in a home that she needed to take care of singularly. “She had thought the studio would keep itself; no dust upon the furniture of love.[...] Not that at five each separate stair would writhe under the milkman’s tramp[…] That on the kitchen shelf among the saucers a pair of beetle-eves would fix her own—“ (Rich 1822). She realizes the need to maintain the house will be one only of her own, for her lover seems not to notice/care about the mess. She feels a frustration with him, for she “wondered how it was a man could wake from night to day and take the day for granted,” (Rich 1823). Yet, she continues to clean and prepare the house so she feels comfortable living in it. The ideas of what are important for a woman are expressed in the lines “while she, contending with a woman’s demons, pulled back the sheets and made the bed and found a fallen towel to dust the table-top.” The woman is burdened with the household chores and the necessity to get things done so life can be enjoyed. Yet, when the woman in the poem goes back to the man at night, she loses her personal agenda of what life is: “She woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming like a relentless milkman up the stairs,” is such a depressing image. The sun is a binary for life and existence, while the milkman represents the idea of a daily nuisance delivery of a necessary thing. By ending on such a powerful note, Rich is almost expressing the idea that, in the woman in the poem’s eyes, waking to every day to clean and perform womanly-duties has become more of a burden than a pleasure.

Norma Jean in Bobbie Mason’s short story, “Shiloh,” experiences the same feelings of resentment towards the man in her life as the speaker does in “Living in Sin.” “Shiloh” is the story of Leroy Moffitt and his wife, Norma Jean, whose relationship has begun to deteriorate after years of marriage. Leroy spent his days as a truckdriver, and until his injury, he was away from home often. Now that he is home, Leroy tries to reconnect with his independent-minded wife and build their relationship stronger by building a house for them. Norma Jean wants nothing to do with the house, claiming “I don’t want to do with any log cabin,” (Mason 2123). She instead keeps with her fitness routine, begins taking composition classes at the local community college, and further distances herself even more from Leroy. Her dynamic with her husband is one of separation; she thrives on her own, while Leroy is lost and dependent on her now that his truck driving days are over. When visiting the battle ground, Norma Jean states she wants the divorce, claiming “[Mama] won’t leave me alone- you won’t leave me alone. I feel eighteen again. I can’t face that all over again. No, it wasn’t fine. I don’t know what I am saying. Forget it,” (2128). Norma Jean then walks rapidly to the bluff of the Tennessee River, turns towards Leroy and waves her arms, and then the story ends. Whether or not Norma Jean kills herself is left unidentified, for the true story is the one of her tension with her husband. It is very similar to the main character in “Living in Sin,” yet has had the time to develop to the failure of the marriage. The voice of “Living in Sin” could very likely end with the same fate of Norma Jean if she is not careful.

Updike’s “A&P” and “How I Contemplated the World” themes and family background

The themes of Updike’s “A&P” and Oates’ “How I Contemplated the World” are rebellious in different natures, but both involve the underlying presence of family members. The first’s theme is one of self discovery and frustrations with the limits of society; the latter’s theme is one of rebellion and then a want to return to home. In both stories, the characters make decisions which affect their families.

John Updike’s “A & P” is a wonderful short story; it begins with a young man and ends with him observing how difficult life can actually become. It’s almost as if through these four pages the reader witnesses an epiphany of a young man. Initially, the character is drawn to three girls in the grocery store. He is so enthralled with them that even their bathing suit color is described in detail. “She had on a kind of dirty-pink—beige, maybe, I don’t know—bathing suit with a little nubble all over it and, what got me, the straps were down,” (1903). The story then continues to describe the sort of taboo emotions young Sammy felt towards the girl he was attracted to. If one walks into public today, it’s almost guaranteed that they will see a girl’s shoulders and back exposed. Dress code today is merely a joke. However, Sammy was so taken back by the shoulders, remembering, “With the straps pushed off, there was nothing between the top of the suit and the top of her head except just her, this clean bare plane of the top of her chest down from the shoulder bones like a dented sheet of metal tilted in the light. I mean, she was more than pretty,” (1906). Through this infatuation, Sammy feels the need to protect the most beautiful girl from his manager. His manager addresses the girl in a rather rude fashion. Instead of politely coming to the girls and asking them to cover up next time they enter the store, Lengel approaches with a hostile attack-“Girls, this isn’t the beach.” When Sammy notices the girl blushing, Lengel must have, too. But instead, he keeps right at it. Sammy decides to quit his job right then, for he recognizes he does not want to become that. He does not want to become the store manager who embarrasses a young girl. “Remembering how he made that pretty girl blush makes me so scrunchy inside I punch the No Sale tab…” (1906) Lengel then tries to plead with Sammy, stating, “I don’t think you know what you’re saying […] Sammy, you don’t want to do this to your Mom and Dad,” (Updike 1906). Sammy recognizes he doesn’t, but it is too late; he fears for his own future more than the frustrations of his parents. He chooses to avoid becoming his elders rather than respecting their wishes, and it is through this rebellion that Sammy shows his disregard for societal norms.

Oates’ “How I Contemplated the World…” is about the rebellious nature of a young girl who simply wants to break the rules to feel different than her country club parents. Symbols of why the young girl rebels are displayed on page 2078, when the mother addresses why she stole the gloves. “If you wanted gloves, why didn’t you say so? Why didn’t you ask for them?” (2078). The girl recognizes that she simply wanted to be noticed, and thinks to herself without saying out loud, “I wanted to steal, not buy.” Her mother and father are described through the lines such in the characters portion, “the mother… belongs to the Detroit Athletic Club. Also the Detroit Golf Club... the father. Dr…” (2083). It is obvious the family is part of the wealthy status in America, and yet the girl does not find happiness in her wealth. She rebels to Detroit and struggles through the streets. Her rebellion is one much greater than Sammy’s in “A&P,” yet ends on a happy note of her returning to home. If the girl learned anything, it was not from the sheltered environment of her country club parents. She needed to go to the streets and be beaten up for her to appreciate how good life truly is for her.

A Feminist Approach and Analysis to El Saaddawi's "In Camera"

Nawal El Saadawi , a modern day Egyptian feminist author and civil activist, realized at an early age that she “had been born a female in a world that wanted only males,” and has sought to expose the injustices which women have been  treated to. Throughout the means of novels, short stories, essays and autobiographies, El Saadawi has demonstrated the women’s predicament over the span of fifty years to multiple countries (1191). In one of her most popular short stories, “In Camera”, she depicts a female protagonist being tried in a courtroom for calling her un-named country’s King “stupid.” Through an intimate omniscient third person account and shifting of characters, El Saadawi purposely constructs an emotional account of the female de-humanization of a young woman at the hands of an unjust patriarchal society.

Leila, the narrator of the beginning of the story, is a woman in an Arabic society who is on trial for expressing her personal beliefs on the corruption of the patriarchal government. She was arrested for speaking her thoughts and sent to prison. While in prison, the guards tortured her by raping her. Over three thousand and twenty-five hours (126 days), Leila suffered numerous counts of rape. Leila’s fragility while sitting in the courtroom is depicted from this starting point and leads throughout the story.

Besides the rape, Leila also suffers with her eyes adjusting to light in the courtroom, thinking, “light was painful, even though her eyes were still shut,” for while she was imprisoned, she was kept in a dark area. She is unable to fully see the courtroom in its light, due to being in the dark prison for so long, so that the images she can make out seem to be in a thick fog (1196). She is also suffering a terrible pain from a wound in her lower abdomen caused by the rapes. Yet, when Leila thinks of the suffering she has endured, and the corruption of the higher officials, she becomes fully mentally aware of her feelings towards them. She thinks, “And what inner corruption! She wished at that moment they would give her pen and paper so that she could draw that corruption,” (1195). She continues to recall an Egyptian mythological story of Isis and Osiris, comprehending the fervor of splitting one’s body for the truth to be told. Her immense awareness and cognitive comprehension of the wrong-doings of the political scene are strong, even though her senses and her body are weak like an animal (1194). El Saadawi alludes that it was Leila’s mind which kept fighting for survival while in prison.

The text’s narration shifts to Leila’s mother, who remains unnamed, for a few paragraphs in the middle of the short story. Her mother laments over her daughter’s suffering, thinking to herself, “God of Heaven and Earth, how could you let them do all that? How, my daughter, did you stand so much pain?” (1197) Her mother reflects on Leila’s “capability to do anything” and the immense strength she showed from when she was an infant, stating “…your movements were strong while you were still a fetus and shook me from inside, like a volcano shakes the earth,” (1197). Leila’s mother’s lamenting reflects the sheer torture in which she felt while her oldest daughter was being tortured for her disobedience to her patriarchal society. 

Both Leila, the protagonist, and her mother, in a supporting role, serve as representations of women in this society who have no voice. The role of both women is to represent the female suffering which occurs in a highly patriarchal society. In “In Camera,” both women’s voices are exposed through the privacy of their own intimate thoughts to reveal their ideas since free speech for women is not allowed; their sufferings are exposed through their silence.

Throughout “In Camera,” men are the only characters who are given titles and who speak out loud. In the courtroom, the judge exudes his power with his large hammer and speaking voice, reading out loud the charges of the young Leila. Towards the end, the judge is in a conference with his male aides, who inevitably take Leila “back to where she’d been before” (1202) thus exuding their power over the female character who is helpless in her position. Even Leila’s father, who at first was filled with pride over his daughter’s speaking of the truth, is left feeling shameful and embarrassed to call her a member of his family once he realizes his honor is no longer valid since she was raped. His thoughts sum up how entirely backwards this patriarchal society is, for instead of feeling pity for his daughter like any caring father would, he is ashamed of her. He thinks:           

“Had he not told her bitterly: Politics, my girl, is not for women and girls. But she had not listened to him. If she had been a man, he would not be suffering now the way he was. None of those gods would have been able to violate his honor and dignity.”

The attitudes the men of “In Camera” have towards women is one of their culture- that women are undeniably less than men and do not have the right to free speech. Women are not honored, nor allowed to speak their mind in this oppressing society. Leila’s mother remembers the sadness her own mother felt when Leila was born, recounting how “grandmother pursed her lips in sorrow and said, ‘A girl and ugly, too! A double catastrophe!’” (1197) Women, in this society, were viewed as the weaker sex, or the “other”, which give power to the men.

El Saadawi did not share the same ideas of this men- controlled Arabic society. Born into a similar society, she began her long struggle for her individual right of expression and of her crusade for female emancipation in Egypt and the Arab world generally by the publication of her first book Women and Sex . After suing the government for closing her organization for women’s rights, Arab Women’s Solidarity Association, and losing the case, El Saadawi fled to America for safety for fear of assassination (1191). She experienced a firsthand account of the suffering of women in the Arab world, and sought to write the truth of women’s disadvantage. Through the short story of “In Camera” she exposes the voice of the women which cannot be heard out loud in their communities.

Work Cited:

Simon, Peter, ed. Norton Anthology of World Literature. Shorter Second ed. Vol. 2. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2009. Print.

“El Saadawi, Nawal.” Simon. 1191- 1202. Print.

Application of Marxism and Feminism to Lyrics

Moonshiner :: Bob Dylan Version (Live at Gaslight 1962) :: Marxism

“I've been a moonshiner

For seventeen long years

I spent all my money on whiskey and beer.

I go to some hollow

And set up my still.

If whiskey don't kill me,

Then I don't know what will.

I go to some bar room

And drink with my friends.

The women came to follow

And see what I spend.

God bless them pretty women;

I wish they was mine.

They're breath is as sweet as

The dew on vine.

Let me eat when I'm hungry,

Let me drink when I'm dry.

A dollar when I am hard up

Religion when I die.

The whole world is a bottle

And life is but a dram.

When the bottle gets empty,

It sure ain't worth a damn."

This song shows the hardships one in the lower class without money. The song is in first person, and in the first verse, we are given the understanding that the character has spent all of his pension on two things that remove his feelings of hardships: whiskey and beer. The person is in the bourgeois class and seems distressed by being in the drone world of little money. When talking about going to the bar, the singer says “The women came to follow and see what I spend,” which is intended to be a small amount since the women do not hang around him. In the next verse, the singer states, “God bless them pretty women; I wish they were mine.” They did not stay with him for his lack of money, further making the singer depressed and fulfilling the hegemony, in which women will go where the money is. In the fifth verse, the singer states what he needs in life: “a dollar when I am hard up” being one of them. These hardships of life are one of the lower social class.

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"Maid Needs a Maid":: Emily Haines:: Feminism

"Bros before hoes disagree on the sidelines.

Fight for a fee, the man needs a maid.

The maid needs a maid.

Bros before hoes is a rule,

read the guidelines.

You trouble me;

your breasts heave when you sing.

your mouth should be working for me for free.

Sewing up the fold ‘cause I’ve been laid up,

will you put on the fire for me,

draw the bath and remind me to eat?

You won’t need a real job,

you won’t need a real job

because I would love to pay for you,

you could be a good wife to me.

I would love to pay for you,

you are the maid for me."

In this song, the woman is objectified into a career role which forces her into submission by the male dominated world. The song begins with the common saying “bros before hoes,” which not only puts men as the first priority in society, but also demeans women by usage of a negative connotation such as “ho.” In the same verse, the man is mentioned as “needing a maid” and for “a fee,” thus continuing the notion of the female being a “ho” and a prostitute. In the second stanza, the woman continues to be objectified by the male by the statement he makes “your breasts heave when you sing, your mouth should be working for me for free.” This continues the degradation of her character without her having a voice. The man then lists his needs from the woman: “put on the fire for me, draw the bath and remind me to eat?” He then continues to have the power by telling the woman what she does not need to do: “a real job” and instead he “would love to pay for you” while she “is a good wife to me.” The listing of his determination to pay for her comes first, thus providing another example of him having the power while her duties come second, which is being his servant/wife. At the end, the man has chosen her as his wife, and she will continue her role of being a maid/prostitute by providing the needs he demands..

Lying Changes Everything

When I was five years old, I learned how to lie. I realized that I had already lied some in my short life and I, as a result, learned that the truth did not always get me what I wanted. I vividly remember the moment I constructed the lie I was going to tell my parents about my teacher; I was sitting in the back bathroom of my house, sifting through stories and choosing the most believable one. Beforehand, throughout many discussions of honest pleading, I had begged my mom to place me in a different kindergarten classroom, for my teacher’s wheelchair scared me. And reluctantly, my mom stood her ground, seeking for this situation to be a life lesson for me, hoping that I would learn to love the teacher in the chair, and inevitably, learn the life lesson about people with disabilities.

I did not see it this way, though, and as a result of my mother’s stubbornness to not have me removed from the class, I recited to my parents a false story of a harsh punishment the teacher gave to me. My parents, being the typical soccer mom and overprotective father, took my story to the school’s principal and pleaded with the administrators that not only I be removed from the classroom, but that the teacher should be fired, as well. After steering through my story piece by piece, the school officials and my parents learned something about me: I have a strong imagination, and I am a liar. My innocent and ashamed parents were embarrassed to learn the truth that their five year old daughter could lie so well. The school officials took different measures, and had me sent to a different elementary school (out of district), for they knew they had too much on their hands with a child like me. Three weeks later, at the different elementary school, I was tested for gifted.

I recognize now that my actions were juvenile and inconsiderate, and I feel somewhat embarrassed when I retell this story. No one likes to be known as a liar, more or less, a liar with intentions to harm another person’s job/well being/etc. But looking back on the situation now, I understand that the real catch about this five-year-old lie was not to get the teacher into trouble, or because I was scared of the disabled; the real reason for this lie was to see if I could construe a situation into the way I wanted it to be. I wanted to test how much power I could have as an individual. I succeeded in discovering my limits of power, and even if my parent’s punishment was harsh for the lie, I still felt accomplished knowing that I had the power for a minute amount of time.

The lying is something I have carried with me throughout my life, for I lie to strangers more than I tell them the truth. I usually create some incredible story about how my life is moving, how I have touched others, or how I am just a complete sleaze-ball and looking for the next man I can get into my bed. If I have only met someone once or twice, there is a high chance I lied to them. It has become a habit I cannot break. My lies today have changed from my younger lies; they are now governed by morals which maintain the extent of what the lie is. Since becoming a young adult, I have developed a moral code which I now refuse to tell a lie which could hurt someone (such as, the lie with my kindergarten teacher). Instead, the lies are mostly about myself, and are developed for a purpose.

I try out the characters that develop in my lies multiple times in different situations and to a different audience, shifting little details here and there of the lie to make it seem more believable to the listener. I gauge the reactions, formulate, and then retell the lie to the next listener with a more deliberate emphasis on my mutations. For example, I test what a “sleaze-ball” would say to a Christian, and then I judge the religious response, therefore better understanding how an audience would perceive such a character. Once my characters are perfected, they evolve into the fiction that I have written since I was young.

Whether it is because my lying has improved or because I have gained a better understanding of literary technique, my fictional stories have developed greatly since the early years of their arrival. My characters now develop strongly into convincingly believable beings, complete with appropriate humor and reasonable conflict. It has taken years to develop this skill, for when I first began writing fictional stories, I found my main characters mostly remained female, complete with the depth of a puddle to accompany them.

When I was nine, I created my first character: a girl named Trisha-Andy, complete with a love for soccer and for playing outside. Trisha-Andy had a crush on a boy named Michael, who had very similar qualities to the real Michael I was in love with in the third grade. The only lying in this fiction which differed from my real life scenario was the name change of the girl, and the end result of Michael realizing he was in love with her. The story ended as abruptly as it climaxed, for my ability to tell a story/lie had not been perfected at the time I wrote it.

Last summer, when I was twenty-one, I completed a short story for a creative writing class, which proved to be my best form of fiction. I decided to try a different approach to this piece, and I wrote the first person narrative from a male point-of-view. The unnamed character was based off my current boyfriend, full of insecurities and sharp witticism to hide them. I found this piece the most effective because I found my “style” through writing as him; it took a lie for me (as the author) to finally have a strong voice in the story. I was able to place ideas into the character’s head without the interference of my personal female psyche governing the character’s reactions. It took a complete lie for me to establish my writing style. Below is an excerpt from the short story, serving as an example for my ability to create a character much different than myself:

“I was standing a few feet from her with a decent enough drunk to feel that familiar swell of confidence. Sarah is a different case, though- she has kept things level for me since the day we met in the ninth grade. And way her half moon smile flashed at me ensured that the confidence I was feeling was justified. I knew, then and there, that this was my last chance for the night.”

Lying has given me the ability to seek past the mundane, and attempt something out-of-the-realm when writing my fiction. My characters, most likely, always get what they want and maintain a relatively high level of enthusiasm throughout their stories. Writing fiction, and lying, has given me the power to create happiness. When I write poetry, though, the truth seems to leak out across the page, filling the stanzas with an air of sadness which has haunted me since I was younger. Through my literary collections, I have discovered that my poetry is the only place that the truth is told, leaving me feeling raw and exposed once the lines are complete.

When I was nineteen, I wrote a poem about the sorrow I felt after a boyfriend and I broke up. The fresh, young heartbreak was recorded in rhyming lines with little effort; I chose to write so simply to express the vulnerability that I was familiar with. Titled “Mo(u)rning,” the poem focused on a single action of making the bed in the morning after sleeping alone for the first time in a year. Lines such as “Another morning of an empty bed/ I kick off the covers and reveal myself dead,” were effective for such a work, because I was so single-minded at the time, only able to focus on one thing without being overwhelmed. To this day, whenever I revisit this poem, I still feel haunted by the depth of pain I remember I was in- the truth of the poem is enough to bring me back down. Who likes to revisit something so memorable that it still hurts?

When I was twenty-one, I wrote a poem called “We Would Have Been Judas” which addressed different social issues in an abstract way. Instead of focusing on a precise moment as I did in “Mo(u)rning,” I attempted to focus on humanity as a whole, and the ways that we desert one another in a time of need. The continuum of a sad-tone remained consistent even in this poem, but I did find that the language was more advanced than the language of my earlier poetry. I included images to act as a way of showing comparisons, rather than merely telling the audience I was upset. I ended the poem with my most effective stanza in poetry that I have written thus far:

“Instead, we throw stones at people who love their same gender-

for it’s not love if God says it is a sin.

Instead, we bomb buildings over religious and cultural differences-

for it’s not terrorism if God blesses America.

Why should we “love thy neighbor” when we don’t have to?”

Lying has given me the ability to escape the borderlines of my own sadness and limitations in my writing, allowing me to create characters that encompass what I dare to desire. I want the happy ending, so full of clichés and sweetness that my teeth form cavities just by writing such a piece. Throughout my literary portfolio, I have found an outlet for my imagination in fiction. What I have written has progressively developed in the past few years, due to my better understanding of how to write, and also how to create believable characters. My poetry has maintained a personal level, at best mediocre; but telling the truth has never been easy for me.